


Don't You Know I Love You? (And Will You Ever Say it Back?)

by infernalandmortal



Category: Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 10:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4431791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infernalandmortal/pseuds/infernalandmortal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Livia wants what she thinks she can't have and Tiberius breaks the mold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't You Know I Love You? (And Will You Ever Say it Back?)

**Author's Note:**

> This is an eensy drabble that I wrote and posted to Tumblr on a win while procrastinating on fic requests (GO ME!). I hope you enjoy this little thingie. :)

**_L_ **

You touch his hand gently as he walks past you to bed, the shadows of the Institute’s halls enveloping him. “Goodnight, Ty. I love you.” Your heart sinks as those three words trickle off him yet again. He walks out of the library, footsteps gentle on the floor.  You suddenly want to follow him, want to grab his shoulders and shake him.  _Don’t you know I love you?_   _Will you ever say it back?_ You know it’s selfish and terrible to want but you can’t stop wanting to hear your twin tell you that he loves you. Sure, he shows you in his own way - though Raziel knows you’re the only one who understands - but words have a power all their own. You know that better than anyone (except maybe Dru, who’d rather be writing than talking anyway). 

You focus your eyes on the aquarium across the room, home to three sea crabs Tiberius brought home from the beach.  He had planned to take them back tonight.  You wonder if he remembered or if you should remind him. Maybe that would be best.  Let your mind return to where it belongs: protecting your family, shielding Tiberius from those who don’t understand, who don’t love like he does and don’t see the world through his eyes.

Standing up, you follow the familiar halls to the bedroom you share with your twin.  As expected, he’s awake, bent over some paper or other on his desk.  He doesn’t acknowledge that you’re there but you know he can feel you.  You feel him the same way, like a hovering presence or a ghost over your shoulder, a second heart beating with yours, a second set of lungs breathing in time, another brain picking up where you leave off.  It’s easy this way, where there’s no resentment, nothing but the truth, just the way Ty likes it.

Except there is resentment and it’s growing inside of you and it’s all because of three little words.

“Are you going to take the crabs back?” You ask, your voice soft and slightly strangled in the dead-quiet room.

Ty nods, his shoulders hunched, oblivious to the tightness in your voice.  “Julian said I could take the Toyota.  Do you want to come?”

You think of the beach, the full moon, the crisp ocean breeze that could soothe your worried skin and ruffled mind.  “Alright.”

You dress, slip out the door with weapons, keys, and the aquarium in hand.  Ty drives, his hands easy on the steering wheel, and you gaze out the window at the post-midnight Los Angeles landscape.  The roads are deserted and your heart is pounding in your chest as you lean your forehead against the window.   _It means nothing,_ you tell yourself.   _I know he loves me and he always will.  I don’t need to hear it.  I know. That’s enough._

* * *

**_T_ **

You hold the aquarium in your arms as you cross the deserted parking lot, Livia’s footsteps at your side.  The night is cool, the sea breeze rustling through your hair, and you scan the horizon, lit by the reflection of L.A.’s bright lights and the moon, full and large and bright in the sky.  It’s a beautiful night, but something is wrong.  You can feel a restlessness in Livia’s spirit that unnerves you.  She’s always been the protector of the both of you but now she seems to be fading.  It scares you.  You wonder if you’ve done something wrong, but you couldn’t have.  She would’ve told you.

You kneel in the sand near the waterline and set the crabs down on the sand, your lips quirking as they scuttle towards the sea.  Livia watches, her long brown hair whipping loose in the wind, her hand resting on the sword perpetually strapped to her side.  You stand and face her suddenly, a question in your chest.  You want to know why she’s here, why she’s _really_ here.  You’ve seen the weight on her shoulders and noticed a certain sadness in her eyes and typically when she feels this way, she curls under her covers and listens to music that no one else likes.

(Except you. You like it, but she doesn’t notice that you do.)

She rolls up the sleeves of her denim shirt and offers you a sigh and a smile.  “I miss the bees.” She tells you, nodding to the crabs floating away.  “They were easier to keep.”

“Until Mark set them loose in the drapes,” you remind her.  To your immense relief, she grins, a flash of white teeth (however forced) that temporarily lessens the weight in her eyes.

“You’re not upset with me, are you?” It comes out of your mouth suddenly, more like a statement than a question, and you fight the urge to fist your hands through your hair.

Livia’s lips part, her hair whipping around her face in a sudden wind.  “N-no.  Why would you think I could ever be angry with you, Ty Ty?” The use of your childhood nickname, the one Emma gave but only Livia could use, calms your nerves.

“You’re…distant.” Your fingers drum against your leg and you want to run away but this is _Livia_ and she  _matters_ so you’re staying.  “You sound hollow when you talk to me.  It isn’t right.”

Her jaw clenches briefly.  “I just…” Words seem to fail her; she runs a hand through her hair and sighs, scanning the horizon as if it would give her words.

“You don’t have to protect me, Livia.” You say sharply, knowing full well that’s what she’s doing: measuring her words, trying to find a way to phrase it so he won’t be hurt.  “I don’t need to be coddled.”

“I know that, Tiberius!” She explodes and you step back.  Her hands shake as she gestures, her left hand gripping her sword, her right waving in the air.  “I know that you don’t need protection and I know you don’t need coddling.  That’s the problem; you don’t think you  _need_ anything, not food or water or time away from your books or anyone’s love.  I’m just  _here_ , Ty.  I’m just here and I love you and I know that you love me but it kills me because every time I say ‘I love you’, it just rolls off of you.  And sometimes-” her voice breaks.  “Sometimes I wish you’d say it back.”

You blink at her, at the green-grey eyes full of anger and sadness and a few tears, at the trembling hands and the bitten lips.  Something unfamiliar blooms in your chest, something almost rib-cracking (though you know it’s impossible).

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, sinking to the sand, burying her head in her hands.  “I didn’t mean it, Ty.”

“You meant some of it,” you observe, sitting next to her, the crashing waves overwhelming her muttered response.  You know there’s a grain of truth to her rant: you do have to be reminded to eat and drink and your one-track mind was more a detriment than a blessing, but you never meant to turn away Livia’s love.  All along, you thought it was an unspoken agreement: you loved her and she loved you.  Nothing had to be said, nothing had to be done.  You loved one another and therefore you both shared a bed, you touched her  far more than you’d touch anyone else, you studied together, worked together.  You had always thought that was enough.

“I’m sorry.” The words taste foreign on your tongue but they’re worth it because it’s Livia.  “I love you, Livvy.”  Again, foreign words, but they feel natural moving across your lips.

She lifts her head from her hands, and her smile puts the full moon to shame.

 


End file.
